Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Trolls

So, this momma is relatively new to the land of bloggers, and facebook 'like' pages and I am still quite in shock from these things called Trolls. Now my definition of troll recently has been those that scour pages and make stupid comments on posts, start fights with people, and generally want everyone to feel like shit because they are better and you are not-mostly by overzealous (or maybe jealous) mothers who have tried to make me feel bad for vaccinating my kids, giving the baby formula, shaving my legs, having a life outside of my kids, get it-basically calling me a bad mother and they would know, because, you know, they know everything and you know nothing, so it's their job so 'save' you.. I have been a victim to many of these troll attacks...luckily having been able to block and delete because I really got tired of defending myself and frankly my feelings were getting hurt.
Apparently that's a lot harder to do on a 'like' page. And they know it.
But there is a new form of Troll hitting the waves...This kind of Troll has made it their mission in life to sit behind their computer all day, scouring our pages for 'inappropriate content' so they can hit that 'report to facebook' button 8,000 times a day. I have had friends called pedophiles for posting pics of babies sticking the bird, dangerous for joking that their kids were about to get a can of whoopass, etc...then reported for it, haivng posting abilities taken away, some even getting outright deleted. I got reported and can't tag anyone anymore...not sure what I did to offend the Trolls? Oh yeah, I had a sense of humor.
Now seriously, I get it, it's just facebook, but jeezus h christ do people really have nothing better to do? This has to be a product of the sluggish economy and high unemployment rate right?? A lot of us enjoy the shit out of swapping our good and bad stories, and I don't care if it's over the computer or not, it's comforting to know you are not alone in this world with your crazy mind :-) This is how we communicate now, it's 2011..get over it.
I have an idea in my head of what these trolls look like, and the life that they must I  have a few scenarios cooked up...

#1- The Unemployed/Living with Mom Troll: 
This is probably the most common of the Trolls...I see a disgusting, unwashed, unshaven middle aged man with a balding head and coke bottle glasses. His room looks like an episode of Hoarders, and he smells like ass. This Troll sits behind his computer, stalking Facebook pages and clicking that report button while he gets a thrill knowing he's ruining someone's day...he makes random, senseless comments and rambles like a 2 year old on a bad day. He also poses as a young boy usually, making it all the more creepier.This Troll does not get up from his computer because his ass is stuck in his chair, and he can't get through the sea of pizza boxes and empty takeout containers. He's pissed that he's stuck, and therefore takes it out on us.

#2-The Jealous Troll:
I suspect this may be the most common of the evil Trolls, as I think this one is a woman, who is jealous of how funny we are and wishes she had something smart ass and witty to say at any given moment, as so many of us do. We can't all be as cool as us, and she's pissed about it. This Troll has made it her mission to ruin everyone's fun, because hell, if she's not having any, then nobody will. She also may fall into the Miserable Bitch category, but may have been blocked from stalking and harrassing her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, therefore has switched over to Trolling and taken to harrassing us.

#3- The 'Crusader' Troll:
This is another common Troll, and a pretty baffling one. This Troll claims to be a 'bully exterminator' and that they are on a mission to free Facebook from all internet bullying. This Troll is a delusional Troll, and most likely an stupid one, because they consider laughing at one another's jokes as bullying and that it must be reported and stopped immeadiately for the good of all mankind.  The Crusador Troll may sometimes be a delusional teenager that may have gotten bullied a time or two, and has now lost all sense of reality and what the definition of harrassment is. He does not know any boundaries, and will randomly say two and three word phrases that make no sense before he reports you. He's either retarded or on drugs. Or both. I imagine that these Crusaders must drop a shit ton of acid before logging on to Facebook...because sometimes that is the only explanation for the irrational and off the wall things that they say.

So that is my Troll assessment for today...Please feel free to add any of your own definitions, I promise I won't get mad if you thought of something funnier than me!!!
Love you all MUAH!!!

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