Thursday, October 13, 2011

Football and the Homecoming Boss

Man we got the pick of the litter this year of football coaches. The boy has played park ball since he was 4, so we've been in the 'system' for 6 years now. I call it a system, because although everyone pays their dues and gets nickel and dimed to death just the same, in our little town, your child's ball experience, no matter what sport it is, depends on who you know and who ass gets kissed the most. I don't do ass kissing. at.All. And we are at the mercy of a very questionable and shady 'draft' process, and also questionable and shady referees. It all makes for a very interesting season every year. I was really nervous going into this football season, mainly because now we have a toddler, and chasing a baby around a ballpark is uncharted territory for me-I STILL have no idea what I'm doing-I spend most of my time picking cigarette butts out of my child's mouth and cleaning up coke that he insisted on drinking out of the 'big' cup-call me a bad mom I don't care, you can suck it, I'm trying here!! The icing on the cake was our 'coach'..and a say is coach in the loosest of terms- I think we got Forrest Gump this year. (Thank you to my dear friend, she knows who she is, for that reference!!!;-)) This coach has been around for a few years, so we all know him, and some have dreaded the day our kid's name showed up on his roster. This was my year. Thank gawd some of our friend's were here too, at least I have people to laugh with at the utter ridiculousness that is this football season.

These boys are good, they have spent their entire season having great practices, learning new plays, and hitting like William Perry would on a 300lb linebacker...But then we have a game. Nothing is like it is in practice, and everyone is confused. It's like Gump's brain falls out of his head when they put the uniforms on. At least that's what I initially thought...after careful observation we have come to the conclusion that Gump thinks his kid is going to the NFL, and therefore he needs to be the only one that ever runs the ball. Ever. Now, I'm not trying to pick on the kid at ALL, he is just a 10 year old boy after all...but jeezus lawd, if you keep giving the same kid the ball, and he keeps doing his twinkle toes/frogger dance in the backfield thinking he's Reggie Bush, instead of MOVING THE BALL FORWARD, wouldn't you make some kind of adjustment? Negative. Gump thinks his kid is a star, and everyone else is there to make him shine. Needless to say, our season is winding down, and we have won ONE game. ONE. With a team full of very good players. But watcha gonna do???? I've said my peace with our so called rec dept. director, and not that anything will be done, but I feel better that my opinion is known. Like I said, we are at the mercy of the 'draft' and it is what it is.

So, we have made the best of it, cheering our boys on, cutting up on the sidelines (air horns are fun!) and enjoying each other's company during what is none other than the most craptastic football season on record.
Last week, we start wondering about Homecoming. Homecoming is a big deal to these boys, they get to ride on a float like Mardi Gras rider, tossing beads and acting a fool for a little mini-parade, and then play their homecoming games after. It really is the highlight of their season, some kids look forward to it all year. Now, normally, in all of my years as a football Mom, the coach has ALWAYS lined everything up we needed and directed the parent's as to what was needed, etc..Gump has been a coach for years, he knows the drill. Days go by and no mention of homecoming still...I keep telling myself, Don't ask, you will get stuck with it, Don't do it, Don't do it. Chatted with a few of my other moms, all of us wondering what the hell was going on. Well it was now Monday, the parade was in 5 days, and still nothing. I breakdown and call Gump-who was busy hustling money for his travel football team(that explains the complacent attitude) and asked him about the trailer, truck, etc.... *crickets*...uuuuuuuuh I dunno, you wanna take care of that?? I freaking KNEW it. What imma say? No?? (see there's that damn NO again)...I can't say NO, if I don't then we will have nothing and our kids will be walking ghetto fabulous in the parade with backpacks of beads strapped to their chests. We can't have that.

So I rally up my other moms, the saints that they are (we really got some good parents this year thank goodness) and we got the ball rolling on our trailer and truck and decorations. I have spent my entire week freaking out about the f'ing trailer, and someone finally came through last night-THANK YOU!!! Side note: I remember after Katrina, it seemed like everybody we knew had a trailer, where the heck did they all go???? Random thought.

I'm getting our shit together at practice last night, trying to collect everyone's 5 dolla donation for decor and stuff, getting jersey numbers, and attempting to have some sort of parent's thanks to Gump, who stood there with that blank stare again, ask him for his 5, and what do I get *crickets*...again. Ya mean I gotta pay too?? Are ya freaking kidding me dude?? Saturday will be interesting I'm sure I'll have a story:-)

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