What else?

Brain.Totally.On.Overdrive.

That's how I'm feeling right now. To the point where there is so much spinning in my head, I'm kind of in a daze and lost. I need to find some direction here and hoping that writing it all down will help clear it out and move forward. So I'm warning y'all ahead of time, there's probably nothing even remotely funny in this blog today. And I apologize for that, but I need to get this out.

I have to say last week was a complete shit show. After spending last weekend working the Team AJ Cabbage Ball Tournament(again, thank you, thank you to everyone who came out, supported us, donated, everything!!!), I had a feeling something was going on with my BFF…we’ve been friends for over 15 years, you know when something is wrong. I was getting that cold, distant feeling from her. Well on Sunday night, she FACEBOOK messages me that I can’t be in her wedding anymore, because her mother told her that I called her a bitch in the grocery parking lot like SIX months ago, and if I was in the wedding, she wouldn’t be there. Yes, because my favorite thing to do in life, while wrangling kids and groceries into the car, is to call old ladies bitches across parking lots. Yep. That’s me. The woman has never liked me and she finally got me out of the way. So instead of trying to get to the bottom of it, I got shoved to the side. No let’s see if it smooths over, nothing. It was very quickly decided that I was gone. The speed and finality of the whole thing left me reeling, and extremely HURT. For the record, I did NOT do that, but the damage is done, and people are going to think whatever they want about me, I can’t control that I guess. But damn. So that was Monday.

I spent the next two days crying and trying to understand what just happened. And getting no answers, just very cold, and matter of fact answers. To say I was and AM heartbroken is an understatement. I just don’t understand.

Then I get a call Thursday morning that my ex-husband is in the hospital with liver failure and it’s not looking good-his kidneys are starting to shut down, and fluid is building up around his heart. That call was a very grim one and the picture painted to me was that he was like getting ready to die or something. I’ll give you all the abbreviated version of us: He is an alcoholic. I spent 6 years of my life trying to help him, and trying to get everyone to help me to help him, to no avail. You can’t help someone who won’t even admit there is a problem. And he has friends that think there is nothing wrong and he’s ‘just a fun guy’. I don’t see anything fun about driving drunk, destroying your marriage, making a fool out of yourself constantly, and destroying your body. There is so much more to the story, so, so much more, but that’s just not something I need to tell the world.  I emotionally checked out of the relationship after a few years, and had been planning to leave for a long time, when a wonderful man came into my life and gave me the push I needed to get the hell out of a destructive situation. I was crucified and judged and had many people turn their backs on me. Again denying that he had anything to do with why we split-It just HAD to be all me. Needless to say, I was crushed by it. I felt like no one could or wanted to understand what I went through with him. It was HELL. And I felt very alone, and very very judged. I’ll say this, don’t ever judge someone until you have been through what they have. I wouldn’t wish that time on anyone…and the fact that everyone believed his bullshit really really stuck with me and hurt so bad.  Regardless, I had to go through all of that to get to where I am now-I am in a happy, and HEALTHY relationship, and have another beautiful boy. I wouldn’t change the way things went down for anything. He wound up marrying my 2^nd cousin (that’s an entire other story), and shit got really bad between all of us-there was a whole lot of name-calling and mean things said. I finally talked to her yesterday, and finally heard the words I have been waiting for for 3 years now-“You were right, now I know why you left, and I’m so sorry for everything.” I knew I was right all along, and I stuck to my guns because I knew it was doing the right thing, no matter what anyone’s opinion was of it-I was the one who lived with him, I was the one living it, not them. People like to assume they know what goes on in other people’s homes and are so quick to pass judgement. I thought I would feel a little vindicated maybe by hearing that now she(and a lot of others) understand what I went through, because he’s doing it to her now, but I’m really just more sad than anything. He has wasted his life. He has let his children down, he’s let yet another wife down. As much as I want to yell “I TOLD Y’ALL SO!!!”, I can’t..because in the end, he may die, and he will die with nothing. And that is profoundly sad. I never wished that for him, and always hoped he would find a way to get himself to a better place. Either he will get better, and turn his life around, or he won’t. Time will tell. All I know is, I did what I needed to do to get myself, and my son, out of a destructive situation. I have no regrets. I’m sure as he is lying in that hospital bed, he is full of regret and remorse, and he should be. All I can hope is that he learns from it and makes amends, and makes an effort to make it right with those he has hurt along the way.

To top all of that bull off, The Boy corners me last night and asks me why we are moving? I told him the truth, that we were told our lease would not be renewed, so we had to find a new place. He says, well I know who is moving in this house, and they told  XX(neighbor kid) that we are being evicted because we can’t pay our rent. (the neighbor’s in laws own the house we are in now, we don’t get along anymore due to a horrible mis-understanding and people talking shit and changing stories, but it is what it is, now, one of their BFF’s is moving into this house as soon as we are out-how convenient right?-I think this was planned all along as soon as I decided their lifestyle and choices just weren’t my cup of tea and distanced myself-then made the HUGE mistake of writing about it, and all hell broke loose..)

REALLY people??? If I’m being evicted, it must be through telepathy, because I wasn’t aware of that! And why involve the kids in this bullshit? Assholes. Get a grip. How is it that our new house is the same money if we can’t pay our rent? Why do I even have to sit here and defend myself AGAIN?? People should just keep my name out of their mouths. Don’t presume to know what’s going on , and then present that story to everyone like it is fact. Because it is in fact NOT true. Just goes to show you what kind of people I am getting away from! Good riddance. And to you, the nosy bitch who thinks they know my business, I know who you are, I know what you are saying. Go mind your own family, because I hear that’s not doing so well! Keep out of my life, I have better things to do than spread rumors about you, like go to WORK…maybe you should try that!

Anyways, that’s what’s going on. I’m trying to get out of this fog, because there is a whole lotta packing and moving that needs to start like NOW….ready for a fresh start!

Helping out...

http://www.giveforward.com/teamaj

some very good friends set up a donation account in AJ's name....surgery is scheduled for 10am this morning, and they have a very long, scary, and EXPENSIVE road ahead. Please give if you can.
Thank you everyone!

Is it really 'reality' tv???

So last night was Tuesday...my one day a week where I can watch all my DVR'd reality shows in one shot in total peace...well my version of peace. My dearest happened to be home, and was subjected to the 'incessant cackling from a pack of beat up broads'(he's kind of  a smartass), since I REFUSED to change the channel.
So I'm engrossed in the ridiculous drama, enjoying my peace, no toddler kicking me in the face, eating out of the cheeseball bucket like a boss, and the hubs makes a comment- 'Babe, do you REALLY think this is what really happens...this HAS to be staged right?? Who does that to their kids??'
Before I started with my speech about letting me watch my show...I stopped and said to myself...IS this REALLY real? Then I got to thinking about all the insane stories, ridiculous drama and outright back-stabbing that goes on in these shows. Like really, how have none of these moms not slapped Abby Lee Miller right in the face? Who would let their child be talked to the way she does? Who looks so perfect all the time in real life-aka OC Housewives...Who sleeps with every guy they are sharing a house with for the summer, and then acts like nothing happened and there's no 'weird' hanging in the air-aka Jersey Shore...and on and on...
The answer? NOBODY. It's not real yall, this is the modern day Soap Opera. Remember when our moms and grandmas used to watch Days of our Lives, Guiding Light, All my Children, etc... religiously? Talked about the stories like they knew each of the characters personally, got sad for them, got mad for them...the whole nine yards. These old soaps are dying off one by one...Because today's Mom needs something more. Insert 'reality' tv! Original reality tv was the first 2 seasons of The Real World...that shit was REAL. Nobody had ever done that before, acting for the cameras wasn't even thought of back then.
That one show has spawned an new era for tv shows...Almost everything is a reality show, touted as real people going about their every day lives... which is a crock of shit. Take it for what it is...this is the 21st century Mom's Soap Opera, conveniently on at times when we are actually HOME! Full of juicy, crazy plotlines and nasty crazy bitches causing chaos all over this great country!  Some shows do a pretty good job of covering their made up plotlines-aka Housewives, Tabitha Takes Over, and a few others I'm blanking out on...but seriously...Mob Wives, Big Rich Texas, Dance Moms, even Jersey Shore...that shit is SO staged, and SO fake, and SO scripted. I mean really-have you SEEN 'My Big Redneck Vacation'??? WTF??? People say 'omg I love this show, you can't MAKE this stuff up!!!' oh honey, yes you can...and they did. So that's my new name for my shows, and  I am now my grandmother and must watch my Soaps whenever I get a chance...except I don't have to fool with a VCR...
 

People are shameful....But WE WILL make it right!

Check out this blog post on: http://nolafemmes.com/...about a heartless asshole ruining a beautiful child's favorite day of the year. After reading it, check out the bottom, and the movement that has started because of this idiot's stupid words. I for one want to know who he is, and who his momma is so I can tell her what a shit job she did raising this boy....

Lit Up Like a Parade

Thursday marked the end of a countdown my daughter started on January 6: Muses.
Each night, after she listed her daily gratitudes and wrote in her diary, she would find the countdown calender drawn on pink paper and dressed in white, silver, purple, and red glitter. With her very special pen, she would carefully cross off one more day, informing me of  the new countdown as she called out wishes of sweet dreams. As the countdown slimmed from a month, to a week, and then to days, her excitement grew.
“I don’t know if I should wear a costume this year or not, Mama,” she contemplated in the middle of a lesson on polygons for her sixth grade math class.
“Mama. do you think I will get a shoe?”
“What do you think the floats will look like?”
“Which book should I bring with me to read while we wait?”
“Should I take pictures with my cell phone?”
“I am so excited for beads, Mama!”
She was preoccupied with the parade, the Krewe of Muses, and our Mardi Gras holiday.
Since our first parades as New Orleanians a few years ago, our Mardi Gras holiday has consisted of Muses on Thursday and d’Etat on Friday. Having a spouse working in the restaurant business, Lundi Gras and Mardi Gras were never spent together – he is busy insuring everyone else has their spirits high on these two special days. And because my daughter is a high-functioning autistic child, we stayed away from the crowds of the super krewes. Just in case.
We have always watched the parades along the extended route, sometimes called the family zone, and it has been an enjoyable experience. We have reconnected with old friends, exchanging Mardi Gras wishes while catching up with the latest changes in our lives, and have met many new friends. My daughter has played along strangers, created art while patiently waiting for the show to start, and read her first Nancy Drew book along the parade route. Through the challenges that we sometimes face throughout the year, issues dealing with social and sensory issues, Mardi Gras and Muses was the moment of the year where it all faded away, where we were a normal family embracing the culture in our new city, creating memories of our new life.
As we sat on the sidewalk along the parade route and patiently waited for start time, we talked about what we thought we would see, which bands we loved listening to best, and whether Elvis would make an appearance on his moped. We watched Pussyfooters pass by on foot, 610 Stompers in full uniform, and a few Bearded Oysters with high hair weaving through the crowd.  As parade time approached, as cliche as it sounds, there was a sparkle in my daughter’s eye and a smile so big, it made me wish that she could spend her life this happy – always.
And then they came. Despite sitting on the ground, our feet on the street, they came in front of us, a gaggle of college kids holding to-go cups full of booze, cigarettes in hand, f-bombs flying out of their mouths with no care who was around them.  Once the parade started, we stood, them still in the street. Then the first marching band hit the road, forcing us all to back up, my daughter getting lost in a sea of twenty-somethings drinking a little too much. Some were local, others were not. She looked at me, her eyes tense.
“Mama, I can’t see. And that guy keeps touching me with his beer.”
Despite her 5′ 6′ frame, she was surrounded by young adults too involved in gossiping about who was going to be screwing who, which picture they had on their phones that were “too epic’ to not post on Facebook, and preoccupied by the booze pouring out of their red SOLO cups.
One boy, over 6 foot, came dangerously close to starting my daughter’s hair on fire. Only one float had passed by.
“Excuse me, Sir,” I said, ” do you think you could move over a bit. My daughter cannot see, you’ve spilled some beer on her, and you almost got her with your cigarette.”
He looked at me blankly, then looked at her. He looked at my daughter from head to toe, staring at the patch on her coat that would indicate she was autistic to medical personal should an emergency arise. He sneered at me before laughing in my face.
I put my arms around my daughter, warming her up, protecting her, whispering in her ear.
The tall man with the bear hat on his head paid no mind to us. He didn’t move, either.
“Hey, man! I need to move. This woman is bitching at me because her retard daughter can’t see the parade!” he shouted to a kid a few feet away.
He turned back to us, looked my daughter in the eye, and shouted to no one in particular. “This retard is making watching the parade a challenge.”
My daughter looked at me, knowing he was talking about her, and tears formed in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her a bit tighter and whispered in her ear that the man was drunk, didn’t know what he was saying, and sometimes the best thing to do is to know the truth about yourself and ignore what other people say.
My words didn’t matter, though. By then, she had heard what he had said, knew what he was implying about her, and she wanted to go home. Had she not been with, I may have had a few choice words of my own, but I knew it wasn’t the time and certainly not the place.
A night she had been looking forward to, planning and anticipating for a few months, had just been marred by that bad behavior of a grown person.
“Mama. please, can we go home? He told everyone I’m a retard. I’m not a retard, am I, Mama?” she asked. The grin was gone, replaced by a quivering lip. The sparkle in her eyes had dispersed, and they were now filled with a flow of tears falling down her full, pink cheeks.
“Are you sure, honey? We could walk somewhere else and watch the parade. We could move.”
“No, Mama. I don’t think that would be a good idea. People there will probably think I’m a retard, too. People don’t want people like me at parades. They won’t let us in to watch the parade. I just know it.”
I tried to comfort her with my words, encourage her, but the more I pushed, the more this man’s words hurt.
We packed up the bag holding the the goods that had entertained us for the  two hours  we sat on the sidewalk, waiting for our special night. The bag that held my daughter’s snacks, sketch pad, books, and blanket. I took her hand, and led her to the car to go home.
She cried in the car on the way home, having seen exactly two floats from Muses and having exactly zero throws to show for the verbal attack that she endured just trying to watch her favorite parade.
“Honey, I am really sorry about what happened. Maybe we can try tomorrow night. Maybe we can go to a different spot, ” I said, trying to encourage her and save the rest of our Mardi Gras.
“No, Mama. I don’t think I want to do Mardi Gras anymore. Not ever again.”
A year ago, I asked my daughter what she most loved about Mardi Gras, expecting her to say the throws, the beads, and the pretty costumes. Her answer surprised me: “I don’t feel like I am different than everyone else during Mardi Gras, Mama. During Mardi Gras, everyone is a little weird like me.”
That night, she didn’t want to share her daily gratitudes, shrugging her shoulders and telling me she didn’t really feel grateful for much. She didn’t write in her journal, only wanting to forget the night had even happened. Her countdown calendar peppered the floor in tear-soaked pieces. A night that he had probably already forgotten by the next morning; a night that her broken heart will never let her forget.

Now this is what's going on:
 http://www.r-word.org/
a movement to stop the use of that nasty word...

and check out on Facebook...my favorite girl Fleurty Girl...and all the support coming for this little girl!
 https://www.facebook.com/FleurtyGirl

The Mommy Wars and Why I'm About Done With Facebook

I remember the early days of Facebook, when we used it to keep in touch, and laugh, and watch each others kids grow up. Now it feels like an all out war...every topic is up for debate, everyone has an opinion, on EVERYTHING. At simple post about being upset for a friend turns into a heated debate. People are so DEFENSIVE on everything and everything gets taken personal. News flash to those that assume everyone's updates are directed at them...get a life PLEASE.
My biggest annoyance is what I have dubbed 'The Mommy Wars'....every child rearing topic post turns into out right name calling and 'my parenting is better than yours' shit. Seriously? when did THAT start becoming ok? Why do people think it is ok to berate a perfect stranger for doing what THEY feel is best for their kids?

Just for clarification, this is me (and this ME is subject to change at anytime, because PARENTING is subject to change at any time!!!):
*I am a BIG advocate for breastfeeding- I did it for a year with The Boy, and having failed to keep up with it after the baby (I went back to work after 12 days!) , and feeling so terribly guilty about it, I try to support anyone who is struggling with it as much as possible. Try finding support for being a 'quitter'. Negative. I got a lot of 'you are a bad mom', 'if you loved your child you would make it work', etc... REALLY? Listen Miss Judgy McFatty, kiss my ass, I did the best I could. And these same people troll up and down in chat/support groups slamming anyone who doesn't do things the way they think they should. Who DOES that? And WHY????? Ladies who think it's normal to do this" you were not put on this earth to save the world from formula, you will not get a special award for it, and frankly, most people look at the mean and hateful shit that you type and roll their eyes. Get a life. Go clean your house. Do something other than berate other moms for not breastfeeding. Get over it.
*I am also a big believer in natural birth, VBAC, and NOT inducing labor. This brings on an entire other set of creeps behind keyboards...Although I do not push my beliefs on anyone, I'm always willing to talk about it...yet you have this whole other set of moms who call people stupid, uneducated, and sheep for doing their birth THEIR way. I would love for everyone to have a natural, un-traumatic birth, but shit, that just doesn't happen very often. Momma and baby's safety are always priority one, and to see someone rip a new mother to shreds for having a c section because her blood pressure hit the roof is disheartening and makes me want to punch that bitch in the throat. Who died and made you the birth queen please??? Everybody does things differently. I put up a status yesterday about how bummed I was that a friend was induced, which ended in an emergency section, and not getting to hold her baby for HOURS. that's a sad situation...and then I got jumped on by a ton of people telling me how wrong I was and THEY didn't have problems etc...etc... Whatever happened to 'sorry about your friend, hope everything gets better quick'. Why is a status now an invitation for you to tell me what you would do or what I'm doing wrong.
*I vaccinate my kids....this is a touchy one with some of the CRAZIEST people on BOTH sides of the issue. We vaccinate because we think it is the best thing for US. We are an active family, we are always at the ballpark, daycare, school, schoolbus, etc....germs are everywhere, disease is everywhere. People's kids are in my kids faces, we are shaking hands with people at work. It's the safe thing for us to do. We did our research on each and every vaccine we let our kids get. BUT, according to the crazy ladies with foil hats(NOW, this is not ALL of non-vaxers, but the loudest, so therefore the ones that stick in my memory)...I am all part of a huge conspiracy with the government to weed out the population and pay more money to 'Big Pharma'. I have been called stupid, a sheep, and uneducated about my kids. I have been told that my children will die, turn into zombies, have been injected with tracking devices, and that my kids DESERVE to die for what I have done to them. Wow. Do you have nothing better to do all day than tell people that? How dare you. Am I calling you a retard for NOT vaxxing your kids? Because I have LOTS to say about that...like how I think you are risking the safety and health of an entire nation every time you people add another non-vaxxed kid to the mix, or how I think that your 'born free' kid could very well get my baby sick. Or that I am terrified for your kids that they will catch something that they can't fight off and DIE.  But I keep that to myself because it IS just a matter of opinion. Did I ASK you for your advice or opinion on vaccines? NOPE. So why do people think this is ok? Why is this acceptable behavior to sit at a computer all day and look for people to put down, and crucify? Does it make you feel powerful? I think it makes you look like an idiot.

It's insane the amount of time people are wasting being so judgemental and making it their world mission to convert everyone to their side...you know the ONLY side. 
My new thing on FB is going to be only happy happy joy joy posts on my personal page...i'm so sick of getting sucked into debates. People cannot handle hearing views other than theirs. I'm not commenting on shit anymore, it's just not worth it.
Whatever happened to mind your own business? Why do so many people think that their opinion matters and is the only one that anyone should have? How about everyone mind their own business, and offer respectful, non-judgemental, and honest advice...when it's ASKED for.
Just a thought.

Trying to bring my funny back...

I saw a status from one of my friends today..."I miss reading my friends funny posts, where has everyone's sense of humor gone?"... Good point. Where DID it go? I lost my snarkyness for a short while, but my girl has inspired me to get it back. Life has dealt us with some wicked curve balls these past few months...and all that while I have had such an urge to write, but can't find the time or organize my thoughts. Some really funny shit has happened in between all the bull.  I'm still clouded, but I thought I would share something I've been working on for a REALLY long time... One of my girlfriends and I were talking a while back that we should write a book about the things nobody told you about being pregnant. It started off as a joke, but got my writing juices flowing. So I kinda started it.... here goes my first part....

 

A satirical collection of stories and advice from a few moms who thought-“yeah I wish somebody would have told me THAT”.

Disclaimer:

This book is in no way, shape, or form intended to be taken as medical advice. We are not medical professionals, and do not claim to be. We intend for this to be a funny look at some of the crazy things that happen when you’re pregnant. If you think this book is medical advice, then please, put it down and seek professional help. But we have faith that common sense will prevail…for the most part. That is all.

About Me:

xxxxxxxx

xxxxxx lives in the New Orleans area with her husband xxx and their two boys xxx, 10, and xxx., 1. She works full time,is a baseball mom, and runs a small sewing business out of her house. Yeah, she’s really bored. And also the definition of smart ass-you’ll see.

“Holy Crap I’m Pregnant”

I figured that most people who bought this book would already be pregnant-thank you for your support!!-, but wanted to add this nugget in just in case you are reading it for pure fun; in which case we thank you for allowing us to entertain you!-or for future reference.

When one says this out loud, life as we know it is changed forever, whether it’s your first or your 10^th(God bless you woman!), realizing that you are adding a member to your family is a wonderful moment in any woman’s life. And one of the scariest (we’ll get to that part later).

Let’s talk about the finding out part. There are seemingly endless choices in the whole pregnancy test department, and it can be downright bewildering. There you are, standing in the aisle of your favorite drug store, between the condoms and tampons (how funny is that they are right there, like it’s the pause between the two functions(??)) staring at rows of boxes promising you joy and happiness, and sometimes with a coupon attached! Now, we speak from experience here, they are all about the same, there is really no need to buy the top of the line tests, either you are, or you aren’t. Those little life-changing sticks are pretty freaking reliable girls. But now is also not the time to be cheap-please do not buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store. Like the real dollar store where everything is a buck…pregnancy tests just don’t belong there. Ever.

You may also spend a small fortune buying multiple tests because you don’t trust the first 5 that you took. Completely understandable and highly unavoidable. Oh yes, I took TEN for The Babe. You don’t even WANT to know the story of how I found out I was preggo for The Boy…that is long ass story that stays between me and one of my BFFers. It  happens, and you’re not crazy for buying an entire shelf of pee sticks. If anyone gives you crap for it, tell them to suck it.

By now, if you have seen the two blue lines, you have frantically called your GYN trying to get the soonest appointment possible, probably to find that the next opening is two freaking weeks away. Nice. However, we do not recommend going ballistic and crazy pregnant lady on the receptionist. You will be dealing with these people for several months to come, so make nice. Save the crazy pregnant lady outbursts for later, because, trust us, there will be PLENTY of time for that. If it’s really bothering you that much, and it did for all of us…you can take a test every day until the appointment. Yep. I did that.

Sharing the News

Some women take months to spread the news of their impending parenthood, and yet others seem to be announcing before the pee is even dry on the stick. It really is all up to you and when you feel the time is right. But for the love of all that is Holy, your Mother, and Aunt Bea do NOT want to find out on Facebook. Make sure you take the time to notify important and close family members personally, before you announce to the Facebook world that your preggo. Trust us, this will save you a whole lot of bitching, and possibly save your baby shower.

 You may then commence with the announcements and pee stick picture postings. Post a pic of your pee stick at your own risk-we gave a certain one of our friends a helluva hard time when she did that a few years ago. Be prepared for the ribbing if you have smart ass friends like me. It’s all in good fun, I love her.

And do us all a favor, if you’re gonna tell everyone your news like the minute after you conceive, please for the luva gawd do not post daily FB updates on your progress…”8 months, 15 days and 4 hours until we meet our little peanut!”…A weekly update will suffice if you must. You most certainly don’t want everyone to be over your pregnancy before you even have a baby bump. Or hear-“Damn she’s STILL pregnant, I thought she had that baby months ago!” Not good.

So that's my start...I'll be adding things as I go maybe....just wanted to get this out! 

I'm getting to be a bitter byatch...

Why I’m becoming a bitter bitch.

You know what, we’ve had a helluva month. Like really. It is a task just to get out of bed and function lately because I am so downtrodden and depressed. This morning is the icing on the cake…hubs got up in serious pain (which he has beared with for weeks now-pinched nerve or something in his neck/back) and just couldn’t go anymore. I sent him to the doc, in hopes that they can help him. Along with this pain has been a whole lot of snapping and nasty comments to each other due to him being in constant pain, and me being pissed that I can’t help him and getting tired of the constant griping.

Yeah, that’s been my week. So on top of the car getting wrecked that we have to pay for, stressing about stupid fucking Christmas(and I say that because I am a VERY giving person-it’s never about what I get, it never has been I’m always last-I LOOOOOOOOVE shopping and wrapping and seeing the smiles!!!!-and it’s been very hard to do that with little money this year)-now we have to deal with a huge office visit bill, and prescriptions with no insurance. That’s right. We don’t have health insurance. I’ve been told it’s our own fault that we are in the position that we are in by some very nasty people. I’ve also been reading blog comments on an article discussing how the census now shows 1 in 2 people are living in poverty. And now I’m a pissed bitter bitch. You can choose to read this or not, I really don’t care, I needed to get this out. Keep your negative, preachy, self righteous, know it all comments out too-don’t care about that either. I AM grateful for my healthy children, so don’t tell me to be. Don’t tell me God is watching out for us, better things will come, have faith, yadda, yadda, yadda. Because in all honesty ya’ll…I just don’t think that’s true. I’m not in any way shape or form looking for sympathy, help, or a handout. Maybe I’m looking for anyone that feels the same, or someone who knows what I’m going through. Oh, and this isn’t political either. This is a pissed off, frustrated Momma. That’s it.

I am turning into a bitter bitch because I know we deserve better. I know we as a family have done good, not perfect, but we’ve done the right thing. I have an education. I’m not stupid. I didn’t have kids at 16 (not that having kids at 16 makes you stupid, just seems to be the first assumption these idiot blog commenters make when a family is struggling). How can people be so ugly as to say that people who aren't doing well are “stupid and uneducated”??? That baffles me, and if that asshole would stand up and say who they really are instead of trolling behind a computer, I will gladly meet with them so I could punch them in the effing FACE!

I had insurance, I had a great job, we were doing good. Even had some money saved. Then I was laid off. No warning. No indication that business was getting bad. Nothing. I got a see ya, and a sorry. Fuckers. That one event set off a chain of events in my life that I have officially deemed at the worst day ever. In the past two years, I have struggled to find a job with similar pay, to no avail, similar career, to no avail, only to have to settle for something paying half, doing work that I don’t love, and no insurance. In that time, the savings was gone, the car is falling apart, and we are scraping by, while my poor husband works 7 days a week so we can make some attempt to pay our bills on time.

A lot of yapping has been going on lately about how the economy/welfare system/etc… has gotten into the dire situation that it has. Everyone is a legal/constitution/Occupy/blah blah blah expert. I have my own version, not that I am any expert, but I have a lot of friends in the same situation as us, and there seems to be a recurring theme: Middle class is being squashed out. How you ask?

Let me break this down with out rambling too much…or try to at least….

Our wonderful government has enabled people to abuse the system for so long. Can’t ‘supposedly’ feed your kids? No problem , we’ll look right past that Escalade that you drove here in, and the designer clothes that you are wearing, and hand you a card so you don’t have to pay for groceries. Then you can go to the grocery and fill up that Escalade with premium foods, steaks, snacks, soda pop, whatever your heart desires. Don’t worry, the taxpayers got ya back babe!-We will just overcharge everyone else to support you! Why do you think groceries are so high? I really think it’s because these big chain stores know that they have a huge customer base using food stamps and they DON’T GIVE A SHIT how much it costs, because they are not paying for it.-so no matter what the prices are, they will sell their stuff, you can bank on that. *Meanwhile, I, and many people I know-who drive beater cars, work our asses off, and struggle to make it-but deemed “rich” by the DFS people, are shopping at the discount grocery store, couponing like crazy, and using a calculator to make sure we don’t go over budget. How is it at all fair that I have to pay for someone’s premium groceries while I shop at the discount store and coupon? HOW????? I have NOTHING against helping people who REALLY need the help-that’s what this system is MEANT for-but there are FAR too many people getting help who don’t need it! If you have a luxury car, designer clothes, and IPhone, and your kids are playing with IPads in the checkout line-there is no way in hell you should be whipping out a food stamp card. THAT right there is abuse. And everyone just looks the other way.

Can’t pay your rent? No problem, we’ll look right past the fact that no one is paying child support to you that is court ordered(because we don’t feel like enforcing them), and the fact that you refuse to work . Here’s a check for ¾ of your rent in a nice, brand new housing unit, with a pool, work out room, and free internet, oh yeah, here’s a free cell phone too. All you have to do is come up with ¼ of the rent, but if you can’t do that either, we’ll cut an extra monthly check to you just to make sure. Meanwhile, the landlord’s who get that Section 8 now inflate the rental prices-because they know they getting at least ¾ of it from the government, therefore driving up rental prices all over the area, including those that don’t take Section 8. Never in my life did I think I would pay $1000 a month to live ANYWHERE. EVER. Thanks for that one.

Can’t pay your daycare? No problem, we’ll let you lie on your application and not check your so-called job references, and pay ¾ of your daycare bill too. So again, the inflated prices come again, and us ‘rich’ folk are stuck paying that ridiculous inflated price just to go to work and try to eke out a living, oh yeah, and paying for your ¾ too!

Can’t afford insurance for your kids? No problem, here’s an insurance card, go to as many doctors as you want, anytime you want, we got ya covered-we won’t really verify your income. You wanna know what happened to us? We had public insurance for the kids because it was our only option-$600 a month for private insurance was totally out of our reach. I got a 50 CENT raise and reported it. Because that’s what I was told to do. We got kicked up to the fee based program which now costs us $200 a month, which ate up my raise, and then some-it’s a vicious ass cycle we are stuck in…that’s cool, because we did the right thing. How many millions of people did NOT do that? MILLIONS. That is why the system is broken-it has been turned from into a temporary helper into a lifelong lifestyle choice. It wasn’t meant for that. It wasn’t meant for people to stay on it forever. It wasn’t FUNDED or budgeted for that. Taxes were meant to help keep our country functioning…not support people who think it’s a game to drain the system until they get caught…which they rarely do. You know, cuz the government should be happy that they are here on this earth and should pay them to exist. Don’t even GET me started on how the HELL illegal immigrants get benefits. Come to America! We don’t care if you’ve never paid a dime in taxes and send all the money you make here (by taking a job from an American wanting the same job) to your home country and not pay taxes on that either. We’ll still feed your kids and pay for their healthcare!!!

EARNING a living is going out the window. Working for what you have is going out the window. The mentality of ‘why work when I can have everything handed to me’ is taking over. The mentality of ‘uncle sam owes ME’ is crippling this country. I was raised to work for what I have, be proud of what you have, always strive to be better, to do better,  as were many many people I know. But SO many people now just don’t have that in them anymore. Why? Because the laziness has been enabled to the point where our country is flat ass broke.

And again, I’m not saying that ALL people on assistance are like that!!!!!

This is the new middle class people-we don’t even exist anymore. Too ‘rich’ to use the system that we have faithfully paid into for all these years, yet the cost of living is squeezing us to death and that glass ceiling just sits on top of us like a ton of bricks. Screw it all. That’s what I got.